At last I was almost on the point of addressing her, of
asking her if she was looking for any one, if she needed my assistance in
any way, or if I might accompany her home. Badly dressed, as I
unfortunately was, I might protect her through the dark streets; but I had
an undefined fear that it perhaps might cost me something; a glass of
wine, or a drive, and I had no money left at all. My distressingly empty
pockets acted in a far too depressing way upon me, and I had not even the
courage to scrutinize her sharply as I passed her by. Hunger had once more
taken up its abode in my breast, and I had not tasted food since yesterday
evening. This, 'tis true, was not a long period; I had often been able to
hold out for a couple of days at a time, but latterly I had commenced to
fall off seriously; I could not go hungry one quarter as well as I used to
do. A single day made me feel dazed, and I suffered from perpetual
retching the moment I tasted water. Added to this was the fact that I lay
and shivered all night, lay fully dressed as I stood and walked in the
daytime, lay blue with cold, lay and froze every night with fits of icy
shivering, and grew stiff during my sleep. The old blanket could not keep
out the draughts, and I woke in the mornings with my nose stopped by the
sharp outside frosty air which forced its way into the dilapidated room.
I go down the street and think over what I am to do to keep myself alive
until I get my next article finished.
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