I immediately lost all
appetite, and a feeling of nausea came over me. When I reached the
market-place I went to the fountain and drank a little. I looked up; the
dial marked ten on Our Saviour's tower.
I went on through the streets, listlessly, without troubling myself about
anything at all, stopped aimlessly at a corner, turned off into a side
street without having any errand there. I simply let myself go, wandered
about in the pleasant morning, swinging myself care-free to and fro
amongst other happy human beings. This air was clear and bright and my
mind too was without a shadow.
For quite ten minutes I had had an old lame man ahead of me. He carried a
bundle in one hand and exerted his whole body, using all his strength in
his endeavours to get along speedily. I could hear how he panted from the
exertion, and it occurred to me that I might offer to bear his bundle for
him, but yet I made no effort to overtake him. Up in Graendsen I met Hans
Pauli, who nodded and hurried past me. Why was he in such a hurry? I had
not the slightest intention of asking him for a shilling, and, more than
that, I intended at the very first opportunity to return him a blanket
which I had borrowed from him some weeks before.
Just wait until I could get my foot on the ladder, I would be beholden to
no man, not even for a blanket. Perhaps even this very day I might
commence an article on the "Crimes of Futurity," "Freedom of Will," or
what not, at any rate, something worth reading, something for which I
would at least get ten shillings.
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